Has the cycle repeated itself yet?

Are we at the end or it is merely the beginning of the end?

Patience has worn thin for both L and I lately. She is needing it for herself and hasn't any to spend on me. Mine has simply worn away from overuse. And so haven't any left over for much else. Also, reviewing everything in her sessions, saps what she has even more since it is almost like reliving the past again and reliving the emotions that pour through the raw openings rent by our memories.

I am trying to connect again but I am getting the distinct impression that she has finally tired of me and is unable to sustain the emotion that is required to maintain two simultaneous relationships. She is probably not too far off the mark, but it doesn't change that I miss her all the more. As I've said, we are both in this state, whereas in the past we almost either staggered it or I was fresh and in a position to give all I could. I suppose I've started asking for myself now as well.

Why has everything seemingly come to a crux? a crossroads, one of those cosmic tumblers in the lock of the universe has shifted and one can't see through the keyhole anymore. It is asking you to turn the key and see what happens. L is my luck. Without her, I feel adrift again. It will take some time to find the seaway and make headway again. I do hope that she finds someone that she is attracted to, and has not only the time but the wont to be responsive with her.

As for me, I am frustrated, tired, impatient and not sure what to do. I am trying to let go and see what God turns up but I doubt that I should expect much to come my way given my behaviour of late. Nor from L. I am going to have to make myself happy again. That old smile has left and all I see in the mirror of late is a frown or a sigh. Where has the little boy gone? where did this brooding doom-and-gloom come from? When did I let this evil inside me? I don't remember.

When you should see me again, wish me well.