how is it that others gamble and win? And yet try as I might I gamble and lose? Is there something in me that doesn't want to? Is it subconsciously trying to atone for somthing for which it cannot right? More and more today and I don't hear back - I am feeling an ever increasing sense of loss. A great void in the recesses of my mind and soul lies agape. It's echoing cavernous chasm screaming out in the stillness of being empty. I am tired of feeling this way - but afraid of the lonliness which has sprung with the tide of events. I sit in the quiet darkness lost to my thoughts and grasping at the thin air where your soft hands would be, and catch a muffled sob with a cupped fist, rubbing the emotion into my forehead with anguish. What if I'm wrong?