My mind and I - a conversation.

Diet?

Yes please.

No, no, that means you have to go on one.

Oh.

Yes, so you'll have to watch what you eat...

i do that already.

Yes, I don't mean literally. I mean that you have to eat healthy.

Er...

Fruits and vegetables.

Fruits and vegetables?

Yes, and less proteins and fat carbohydrates.

No steak then?

Steak?

Yes, steak

Look, did you hear what I'd just said?

What.

Fruits and vegetables.

Oh, right. And everything in moderation, right?

Yes, exactly. Less sweets and more fibre.

Like chicken?

well, no, like...

Fish?

No.

Mutton?

No.

Pork? (incredulously)

No. (annoyed)

Hmmm...

Listen, please. Try vegetables, rice, grains, legumes, er.. beans

(nasty expression)

okay?

Okay.

Oh yes, and exercise.

Exercise?

(sigh) yes, exercise - you do know what exercise is, don't you?

Look, of course I do...

When's the last time that you had some?

Wouldn't you like to know? That's somewhat personal...

Exercise.

Oh.

(pause)

Well, I walk everyday.

Good. How far and how long?

From the house to the skytrain station and then from the bus loop to the office and back again.

(incredulous) Do you do anything that you have to sweat for?

What's with all the personal questions?

I'm your conscience since you don't seem to have one.

Oh. Well, some personal stuff once or twice a day.

Like what?

You know.

No.

Er... like choking the chicken.

Huh? What?

Choking the..

Look, you needn't go on - I'm talking about healthy physical exercise here - you need to work on your cardiovascular and some weight training wouldn't be bad either.

Oooh.

Yes, that right - you need to raise your heartrate higher than that of a knitting hamster.

well...

Try working it in slowly.

(a sigh of relief)

But you must get some exercise and start running and try swimming.

(nasty expression)

Don't wince - it'll eb good for you.

Alright.

And next time let me know when you're coming around - I'll have the workmen remove the door frame so that you can get into the room.

Okay.

Good. You can stand up now.

i am standing.

Oh. Perhaps some surgery is called for.

No, no - I'll be fine. I'll just go now.

(grunt)

(grunt)

(grunt)

Er..

Yes?

No steak?

No steak.

(mumbled) shit.